Boy, and I thought I had it hard...

"BorkBorkBjork" (tbirdlemons)
03/03/2016 at 14:01 • Filed to: #hardwork

Glad I got off easy, pumping human feces out of boat and RV holding tanks and collecting for a garbage truck when I was 12. Apparently all those free scoops left him without a taste for ice cream, now that’s lasting emotional trauma!

What was your first job, you lazy Opponauts?

DISCUSSION (34)

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:03

I worked in a restaurant cleaning tables for a shit head owner

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:03

Oil changer/shop sweep at the Midas shop my dad worked at and eventually managed. I scored a conversion van for 75$ that had mild overheating issues. It was the best car ever cause it had 26 gallons of regular when gas was 3$+ a gallon.

BorkBorkBjork > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
03/03/2016 at 14:06

No life is complete without a conversion van in it! We had one when I was a kid, best road trips ever.

DrJohannVegas > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:08

I did odd jobs before I was legally allowed to work (the standard chores/etc for a few bucks), but at 14, I got my work permit and got the only consistent job I could: McDonalds. As soon as I turned 16 and could find a better gig, I left. But, that job taught me a multitude of lessons.

The Ghost of Oppo > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:08

I was essentially a lunch lady in a retirement home that specialized in dementia patients. Boy did that dining room smell on hot days

Jarrett - [BRZ Boi] > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:09

Funnily enough, my first job was also scooping ice cream.

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:10

My first job was sales at circuit city

CalzoneGolem > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:11

I was a dish bitch (aka. dishwasher). Launched my culinary career. I still love cooking this is probably because I don’t do it professionally anymore.

Bob Loblaw Made Me Make a Phoney Phone Call to Edward Rooney > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:11

There are a handful that I could call my first job:

1. Umpired baseball for coach pitch games when I was 14 or so. Can’t complain about that one at all, money was fine and I loved it.

2. Worked in a daycare at a church right when I turned 15. Was both great and terrible.

3. Retail computer salesman at Best Buy. Retail is fucking brutal, I’d take ice cream scooping over that shit any day of the week. Managed to do that for two years, somehow.

Party-vi > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:11

Gas Station Attendant. Chill and laid back, and taught me that there are some amazingly stupid people in the world. Most of them in PG County, MD.

DutchieDC2R > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:12

I worked at the biggest music-orientated warehouse facility and trading company. Pretty much a bottom-level job, packing and unpacking CD’s, vinyl, limited edition packages, scanning everything and re-sending it to customers etc.

I used to be an ass when it came to working there. I had a ‘zero-hours’ contract, which meant that I did not have pre-specified times of coming in. If I had school, I could let them know and they would change my week or day schedule.

I really abused that option, up until I saw friends struggling to get more mediocre, lower level jobs than I had (stocker at a grocery store etc). It instantly made me shut up and stop being an asshole.

wiffleballtony > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:13

The first job I had that gave me payment wad counting chads in the 2000 election.

How does the President have time for LinkedIn?

BorkBorkBjork > Jarrett - [BRZ Boi]
03/03/2016 at 14:13

So, looking forward to a run in the 2020 election I assume?

Tohru > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:15

My first job was at a salvage yard. It wasn’t all fun and games. The two worst experiences I had there were:

- Removing the seats and center console out of a 1969 Chevelle that before coming to the yard had sat in a barn with the windows down since 1986. It was the middle of summer, I had a heavy-duty respirator on to block the smell of mouse whiz and poo, and sweat was pouring off of me. It took about 2 hours and it felt like 2 years.

- removing the center console of a 1991 Firebird that a classmate (2 years ahead of me) had committed suicide by handgun in.

Master Cylinder > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:15

My first job was actually also at an ice cream shop. It was all soft-serve though, so I didn’t get to build all that character through scooping.

Guess I’ll just never be President.

._.

BorkBorkBjork > wiffleballtony
03/03/2016 at 14:16

Well he has time enough to go on reality TV with Bear Grylls, so I assume his schedule is pretty open.

And that is a helluva first job, by the way.

Jarrett - [BRZ Boi] > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:17

I’d fail the citizen ship test, eh?

BorkBorkBjork > The Ghost of Oppo
03/03/2016 at 14:19

That industry is as tough as they come. My mother worked night watch in retirement home/mental hospital for a while. She would tell stories about full-moon nights where patients that couldn’t normally walk would be found wandering the halls and other terrifying and sad things.

Sneaky Pete > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:19

First job was a 22 screen movie theater usher. Basically a mix of janitor/garbage man. Cleaned bathrooms (people are f&cking disgusting), picked up popcorn, soda cups, used diapers, adult underwear, used condoms, etc. When Blair Witch came out we also got to clean up lots of vomit due to the handheld camera shaking causing people to get sick. After a while, I moved up to concessions and got to experience flying, burning hot oil covered popcorn kernals, and the foul stench of burned oil/popcorn smoke being washed off my body when I’d take a shower.

I still like going to watch movies though, because I’m not a little bitch.

JustAnotherG6 > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:20

Paper route. I delivered the evening edition of the Omaha World Herald for 6 years until I turned 16 and got 2 more jobs.

BorkBorkBjork > Jarrett - [BRZ Boi]
03/03/2016 at 14:21

Hey, if Cruz can run a campaign...

luvMeSome142 & some Lincoln! > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:25

Game room attendant at Chuck E Cheese. Back when Chuck was a rat. Who I had dress up as sometimes.

BorkBorkBjork > Tohru
03/03/2016 at 14:27

That’s tough stuff, not many of us have to deal with that side of a death. Sorry you had to go through that.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:28

First that I CHOOSE to do? Pool Lifeguard.

First job I was told to do? Gas pumper when the lazy bastards quit or didn’t show up to my parents gas station in New Jersey. I started doing this at 12. Managing 4 cars worth of gas pumps and all the cash and credit card transactions. 8 hour shifts.

wiffleballtony > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:31

Yeah, I always hear that being president is so stressful. So it amazes me when I see stuff like that.

I didn’t see what’s so hard with the chads. If you’re that incompetent can we trust your vote?

wiffleballtony > Sneaky Pete
03/03/2016 at 14:33

Queue the flashback music and trauma.

BigBlock440 > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:39

I worked on a farm, doing the stuff that, you know, “Americans don’t want to do”. It was great. Long days, but I was outside all day.

gin-san - shitpost specialist > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:40

Groundskeeper at an office building. Not exactly, since I did have a boss who actually fixed things around the office, but it was just a last-minute summer job I had in school, and I couldn’t have asked for more. It was just above minimum wage, about 6-7 hours per day but my boss frequently let me take long lunches or leave early when all the work was done (which was most days).

There wasn’t anything tough other than mowing the lawn around the building, which was massive and had to be done with a regular gas-powered push mower, and done in really hot summer weather.

Other than that, it was an easy gig where I sat around reading the newspaper and took the odd nap. I thought maybe I was taking it too easy at first but my boss was always playing solitaire and telling me I was working too hard and telling me to go home early, so I think I did well. They did eventually ask me to come back when the boss there had hurt his back, but I had already found real employment by then.

Tohru > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:46

Yeah, it was pretty rough. I had to work all on the passenger’s side because... Well.

The manager had the nerve to complain about how long it took me... Right up until I dropped the stained center console armrest on his desk and told him my $8/hr didn’t cover cleaning biohazard.

That day all the interior parts for that car were removed from inventory.

Tohru > Jarrett - [BRZ Boi]
03/03/2016 at 14:49

I don't think they pay attention to that requirement anymore.

Dusty Ventures > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 14:53

I started helping my dad do removals when I was 14. (If you don't know, he owns a funeral home)

Dusty Ventures > wiffleballtony
03/03/2016 at 14:56

You expect them to be 100% focused on president work every waking moment with no breaks or vacations for 4-8 years? That sounds highly unpleasant

RallyWrench > BorkBorkBjork
03/03/2016 at 15:01

Apprenticing and sweeping the floor in the shop I now run, two decades later.

wiffleballtony > Dusty Ventures
03/03/2016 at 15:44

Yes. Let’s see who runs for re-election now!